During this Christmas week, it was only fitting that Jeremy Roenick would be selected as the Tire of the Week. Roenick (1.03 ppg) scored 4 points on the bench. While his one point in Game 17 would not have helped the Damage defeat the Salad, his three points in Game 18 would have defeated the Mice. Rob Blake may have been in a spirit of giving (scoring 6 points this week, not including any matchup points), but not Roenick—he stole a win from the Damage.

When this reporter sat down with Roenick, I merely stated, "I hope you are well." Roenick’s response took 5.2 hours and was 15,000 words in length. Rather than present the "interview," I was moved by the Christmas spirit to compose an ode to Mr. Roenick. Merry Christmas.

Every GM
Down in DOH-ville
Liked Christmas a lot ...
But the Grinch, Jeremey Roenick, clearly
Did NOT!

Roenick hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his helmet wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his skates were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his stick was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His feet or his limbs,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating his GMs,
Staring out off the bench with an evil Grinchy grin—
For he knew they still needed two points for the win.
"Since it's too late to bring me up for the game,
"I'll be sure to score three points! Tee hee! What a shame."

Then many things happen that I don’t quite recall,
But I do remember that Roenick’s stick remained rather small.
And he thought about scoring in the next game
But his scoring output remained just the same.
Another big zero to put on the board
While those Damage ladies clamored and roared.

But then the Damage GMs started thinking,
That they should enjoy Christmas and forget about Roenick’s stinking.
"Maybe Christmas," they thought, "doesn't come from a score.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!
"While we would like to win, given our druthers,
"Maybe Christmas is really about sharing with others!"

And what happened then ...?
Well ... in DOH-ville they say
That the Damage immediately tried to give Roenick away!
But no one wanted the man on their roster
And the frustration and madness his lameness would foster.
So the Damage adjusted next year’s psychic floors
To ensure they would have Jeremy Roenick nevermore.