They just don’t get any hotter than Marian Hossa. Despite having a woman’s name, Marian has put up manly numbers this year. Drafted in the 8th round by the Blue Monkeys, Hossa was traded to the STD in a deal involving Roman Turek early in the season. He is the eleventh-best scoring forward in the DOH league averaging 1.53 ppg. In Week 19, he scored 3 points against the Freeloader in Game 37, but it wasn’t enough and the Damage suffered a discouraging 29-31 WCS loss. In Game 38, Hossa picked up one of only thirteen points scored by the Damage against the Phobes, who won 24-13.

Hossa’s scoring is so hot right now and his boyish good looks so attractive, he was tapped by the executives at CBS to play Bo Duke in the Dukes of Hazzard movie scheduled for release this summer. We spoke with Marian between takes on the set.

So why did you want to play Bo Duke?

I love the car. And I get to hang out with Daisy. She’s doesn’t look quite the same in the shorts, but she’s still pretty hot.

What do you least like about playing Bo?

The pants. Man these jeans are tight! Was there some denim shortage in the 80’s or something? I’m used to those big ‘ole hockey pants where my boys had some room to roam.

Yeah...OK...So I see that Tom Wopat is playing Luke. Do you know why you were asked to replace John Schneider?

He said that he had to wash his hair this summer. He must have a lot of hair. Anyway, they needed someone to fill in.

So are you happy with the movie?

Yes. Everyone should come out and see it.

But isn’t it just going to be another one of those sad TV remake movies where everyone tries desperately to relive their glory years and suck up money?

Ah, but this movie has a twist at the end. I’ll give you a hint—Luke is not really my brother.

He was never your brother. You guys were cousins, you stupid...

Don’t give away the ending!

The number on the car is not just a number; it’s the driver’s IQ. Interview terminated.