We at Tire of Week can barely contain our excitement as we announce this week’s selection. Boris Mironov, the Enigma, has ruined many a DOH team. This year it was the Damage who thought they too would taste the milk left in the refrigerator eight months past the expiration date ("Hmmm, I think that it might still be good. Pour me a chunky glass full.") Every preseason we hear about Mironov’s great skill and that this could be his breakout year, only to find out that Mironov, like leather pants, looks better on someone else. And just when you thought that it couldn’t get any worse, what further disgrace could befall him? What could keep people talking about how great he *could* be despite so many years of failure? What could ensure that Mironov will never excel? One simple statement—Mironov was a midseason acquisition of the New York Rangers.

But we come to praise Boris, not to bury him. This week Mironov did not score one offensive point. But in Game 30, he allowed only 28 shots against and won (yes, won) the number three slot. We double-checked it. It’s true! The Damage won both Game 29 and 30 against the Mice and the Heap. Had Boris not come through for the STD, they would have only won by a single point. Way to go, big guy.

This week, we caught up with Mr. Engima at his home.

So Boris, you...

Riddle me this Monkey. What has two legs but can’t move? You couldn’t stand to look at it. It has no heart, and sucks?

You. That was an easy one.

No. It’s a soldier with a gaping chest wound.

Lovely. How do you feel about being...

Riddle me this. What carries a hockey stick, goes crashing in the wrong direction, and can’t pull his head out of his butt?

That would be you too.

No, it’s a hockey player that has been involved in a bizarre rear end automobile accident.

You’re really great at this riddle thing. So the Rangers, they...

Riddle me this Monkey. What does no one want, but everyone seems to get? It goes away quickly but can scar you forever. It can irritate the child and kill the adult.

Your lousy play on the ice. That or Tom Arnold’s sports show on FOX.

It’s chicken pox, stupid.

Ok Boris. I have a riddle for you. What’s going to end this interview and kick your ass.

Uh...

At this point the interview terminated and Boris and your interviewer entered into what could best be described as a "slap fight." Neither man was proud of his performance, but all who witnessed the melee determined that both men had a great deal of skill and would probably have a breakout performance next year.