This week’s Tire of the Week is none other than the fabulous Mike Ricci. Mike’s been maintaining a splendid .75 ppg average this year. But in a breakout performance, Mike had one point against the Freeloaders in Game 27 and another assist in Game 28 against the Muscle. His two points this week represented 4.8% of the Damage scoring. Sadly, this was not enough to win the day in either game, but it did create the perfect opportunity to recognize the offensive presence that is — Mike Ricci.

We interviewed Mike in a very quiet San Jose locker room. I couldn’t see him in between the lockers, but I knew that he was there.

So Mike, you had some week—two whole points!

<hissing sounds>   What was that?

I said that you’re a friggin’ offensive juggernaut!

I can’t see you. Come out to the middle of the locker room so we can talk.

Would you like me to sit over by the stone replica of Teemu Selanne over on the bench? Or how about by the Owen Nolan statue? What kind of a moron do you think that I am?! You and your nappy weave will turn me to stone.

<hissing> We wouldn’t do that. Come on out. We can talk. Are you thirsty? Perhaps you would like a cappuccino? Or a mocha?

Well, I am kind of thirsty...Wait, no wait, screw you!

You come out or there’s no interview.

Alright. But I’m going to wear my Rod Brind'amour mask.

OK. Fine, stay where you are. I didn’t need a look at you anyway.

For once I decided to end an interview of my own volition. The thought of Mike Ricci pouting was more than I could take.