This week’s Tire of the Week is Mattias Ohlund. Mattias (.49 ppg) picked up an assist in the Damage’s loss to the Low Pressure System. He also netted two assists and two defensive points against the KRP, representing 23% of the Damage’s scoring for the game. Most importantly, Mattias is six feet, three inches of left-handed Swedish cutie.

We spoke with Mattias at his condo where he appeared to be nursing a headache.

So you had a pretty good week, eh?

What I can remember of it, yeah. And could you keep the noise down please?

Sure. Sorry. This aversion to noise wouldn’t have anything to do with a hangover from a New Year’s Eve party, would it?

No. I didn’t even go out.

Then how do you explain this picture.

What the hell! I, uh... Well, I did go out for a little while.

So how long have you been involved in the cross-dressing sumo lifestyle?

You’re not really going to print this, are you?

Sure am. Say, can you hook me up with the guy with the mustache, or are you two—I don’t know what the word is—together?

You’re in trouble now!!!

At this time the interview terminated when a large flying braid knocked me to the floor. I awoke some hours later wearing a wig and covered in tortilla chips, none the worse for wear.