Happy New Year!

The Week 9 Tire of the Week is Patrick "Baby Face" Elias (.75 ppg). Elias was on the bench for Game 19 when he scored no points, unfortunately like most of the team, since the Damage amassed only 10 points against the Heap’s 23. They rebounded somewhat in Game 20: even though Elias still does not have the front teeth necessary for solid foods, the Damage GMs sensed he would take off in the New Year and placed him on the active roster. He responded by netting 3 points. And while they fell one point short of the Greens, the performance of Elias may be a glimpse of things to come this season.

We caught up with Patrick after his noontime feeding, just before his nap.

So Patrick, that was pretty cute, scoring three points.

I like Bekah.

I do too. She’s cute and funny, but...er...are you happy to be back on the active roster?

I like Bekah and Salad.

Right—but how do you feel about your Game 20 performance?

I made a doo-doo.

Don't be modest—I thought it was a great performance. You— oh, I get it. Little help here?