Home > Hall of Fame > First Floor > Grudge Match Bets > 1998-1999 Haiku for the Freeloaders

REGULAR SEASON

Beans ponder question:
Where oh where is Derek King?
Gnawing void causes loss

Holik casts a spell:
Irbe's glove hand melts just like
M&Ms in mouth

Vyacheslav Kozlov
Abhors crass consumerism
Obliterates Dogs

Depressurizing
Or pressurizing--who cares?
Bums kick ass, take names

Ziggy--not Marley
Nor bald owner of dog Fuzz--
Salo's worst nightmare

Jaroslav Spacek
Makes Bums more formidable
Than Goodyear Run-Flats

Kidd Poti Shields--they
Don't protect bathroom floors, they
Ruin Skrapheap's day

Jamie never hangs
Around when he hears this sound:
Roman, save the day

When the axe falls and
Turkeys have their last gobbles
Bums dine on win eight

Not quite Colonel Kurtz
Deadmarsh looses the horror
Apeocalypse Now

Impenetrable
Fernandez hardened by bench
Grimace's smirk fades

Housley, Bure, why
Chop Freddy's knees in practice?
"Bums matter; Flames don't"

Heap's local forecast
Score only in teens, loss feels
Cold, grey and Drury

Super genius. Like
the way that sounds: Jyrk E. Lum-
me, super genius!

Head Bum, former coach/
GM, now Junior Bum while
Pully rallies troops

Great Freeloaders year
Began by scorching Salad;
Time to refry Beans

---Games 17-20: Holiday Haiku Hiatus---

Heaven help CuJo
Tonight he faces the wrath
Of "Four-goal" Miller

Salo is guest in
ESPN chat; topic:
Sergei Zubov Rules!

Jan Bulis performs
Plantation dance, freaks Tugnutt
Who cries, "NIL JUBAS!"

Crusher can only
Fantasize about win: "I
Have a dream today"

"If Vernon isn't
helping Shields, why not poison
his drink?" says Parrish.

Denis goof-gassed by
Black-clad Bum: not Badenov--
Boris *Mironov*

Doan sees System first
and Salad series tied, shouts
"No more playing like

Isbister, fresh from
benching, acts like All-Star: gets 
game on, goes and plays

---ALL-STAR GAME---
Brodeur and Kolzig
will flail like mice with trap-snapped necks-- [sic]
die, Itchy, die! DIE!
-------------------

DENVER--Drury, like
Bart J., skate(board)s in, preaching:
"Satan, eat my shorts!"

---Game 30: missed---

Brown's conversation
hearts: to his shot, "HOT STUFF"; to
GWG, "BE MINE"

Finley v. Vokoun:
Not Thrilla in Manilla--
The Spill in Nashville

"Felt like 'Face without
Eyes'"--Boucher claims Amonte's
Idol 'do blinds him

Like piercing light through
Chicago's dawn fog, Murray
cuts vaporous D

For once, it's mouse eye
sockets which are filled with bombs.
"Ka-Beum!"--Garth (Algar)

Kidd, benched in last Bums
game, aims knee-rending chop at
Parrish, hits MacLean

New Bums for haiku!
Wregget is hard, solid and
cool: ready to stone

Facing Bush/Gore choice
crowds chant for third, Russian slate:
"Run, smart Aleksey!"

Bums unleash hatred,
Savage-ly eviscerate
grudge foes' kidney (beans)

Monkeys have come too
close; Modin screams: "Get off me
you damn dirty ape!"

If Big W holds slight
hope for third place, Pronger's here
to take out the trash

Redden hopes to torch
Billington; Damage always
gets Wade's (3-point) best

Imagine how stoked
Brylin and Buchberger feel:
off the bench; haikued!

Salad won bet, but
Stuart's goal will dash playoff
hopes; who's "LOSER" now?


PLAYOFFS

Sakic, passed over
by the Heap, exacts revenge:
masterful hat trick

To Shields and Turek,
Garth suggests new strategy:
*stop* shots, even Hecht's

Backs to the wall, Bums
need more o' Aleksey and
Keith to chuck Heap's sweep